Build resilience in several steps:
1. Upstream, prepare a "survival kit":
In concrete terms, this means making an inventory of everything that comforts, motivates, soothes and regenerates us when we are not doing well (seeing friends, meditating, walking in nature, taking care of ourselves, starting a project, taking a trip, reading, writing, taking an essential oil, getting a massage, going to the acupuncturist, etc.)
It is up to each person to establish their own list of practices and special "difficult times" activities.
These resources will be all the easier to access when they are needed if they have been thought out and selected with a clear mind and a calm heart.
Ask yourself these few questions to prepare your kit:
What are the activities that change my mind?
What are the little rituals that make me feel good?
When things are not going well, what calms me?
What do I find most motivating?
At the individual level, the challenge is to regain a sense of security sufficient to cope with the stress that may beset you.
2. Accepting the ordeal
To protect ourselves, we tend to minimise or, worse, deny it. Not only does denying a problem not make it go away, but it also weakens our ability to analyse and therefore react wisely.
The earlier you can identify a difficult life event, the better you will be able to deal with it.
To avoid falling into denial, write the facts as if you were reporting, in the present tense, on the situation. For example, start with "My situation is/is or, what I am experiencing..." This helps you take stock of the event.
Keep accepting it: "Okay, I am experiencing this" (name the event).
It is important to distinguish between acceptance and resignation. You can keep in mind that this moment you are experiencing is a difficult chapter in the book of your life, but it is not the whole book. This distinction allows you not to get caught up in the whole ordeal.
Welcome your emotions... and name them
An ordeal often leads to an emotional storm. Fighting against it is counterproductive.
It is better to consciously welcome and name the emotions that arise, before refocusing through mind-body practices (anti-stress breathing, mindfulness meditation, ...) The most important point is to understand the path to regaining calm:
Reception - Identification - Acceptance - Calming
3. Make new decisions, for yourself
Taking back, at least in part, your power of decision over what happens to you will contribute to giving you consistency and the strength to overcome the ordeal.
What decisions do you want to make?
Who could help you?
What do you need to strengthen?
What is good for you that you could put back in place?
Decisions I want to make: ______
4. Getting help and support Coping alone is often difficult. Seeking advice and help is essential to building lasting resilience. But what is less well known is that helping is a powerful factor in resilience.
Providing support to someone who is not doing well allows one to mobilise one's own strengths, to momentarily de-centre oneself from one's problem and to dispel the feeling of being alone with one's suffering. Finally, in the case of unbearable life trials, getting professional help is essential to avoid sinking.